Top Ten List of Things That Annoy Me

I've noticed that in blogland airing grievances can be funny. (See Quilting In My Pyjamas, Rants From MommyLand and The Chicken's Consigliere. Please note: I am directing you to the home pages of these blogs, therefore allowing you to explore the amazing wit of each blogger on your own. Please keep in mind before proceeding to these blogs, the language is definitely rated PG-13 and sometimes rated R. I am not responsible for their content. I merely find it funny. The content, not the swearing which I try to bleep out as I read.) Sarcasm, properly used, is amusing. I am trying to cultivate this in order to keep my long and rambling posts about quilts I made in 1988 interesting. I'm certain that the only reason some of you keep coming back is to see the pictures of me with big hair from a by-gone era. One day I may be brave enough to show you the blonde afro ala Vanessa Huxtable, which, I am sure, will secure your readership forever. Until that day, I'm trying to mix it up and confuse you into continuing to read.

Hopefully, this list of Top Ten Things That Annoy Me is funny instead of just annoying. Shall we begin?

10. Mornings. Need I say more?

9. Flowers that are too big and heavy for their own stems to support the weight. Admittedly, you have to be a gardner to really get this one. But it still makes my list here, because I think that the casual observer can understand that it just spoils the beauty of it all when a plant bends over under its own weight. Doesn't natural selection apply in the plant kingdom?

8. People who shorten my name to Liz. My name is Elizabeth. I introduce myself using my full name. My full name is on my credit card. My full name is on my checks. I sign my full name legibly on whatever it is I'm signing. I never, ever refer to myself as Liz. People who like to be called Liz will usually say, Hi, my name is Liz. I usually say something like, I'm Elizabeth. Not wanting to be completely inflexible on the whole subject and because I love to give people nick-names, I have created a list of acceptable names that you can call me by in the event that you find Elizabeth, with its four syllables, nine letters and beautiful cadence too much of a mouthful. Or feel free to invent your own nick-name, provided that it is not Liz.

7. Bloggers who insist on embedding their comments below their posts AND using the word verification form. This one is more of a request than an annoyance and if you're paying attention you will realize that I built this whole list as a ruse to politely ask all of blog-kind to please, please, please, please, please, please, please change your comment settings so that comments come up in a Pop-up Window. I like to read blogs and I like to comment on the blogs that I read. And I spend waayyyy too much time at it. So, I was hoping that we could come to some sort of an accord so that I can spend less time waiting for the comment pages to load, thereby eliminating a tiny bit of time spent on the computer neglecting my chores and lessening my guilt for doing so. If bloggers everywhere were to change their comment settings to the Pop-up Window option, that would save me loading time. I'm not super fussed about whether you keep the word-verification step, as long as it comes in a Pop-up Window because it is all right there in one step: comment, verify, submit and done. Even in the Full-page Comment option, which requires a bit more loading time than the pop-up window, the word-verification step isn't too bothersome because it is all in one; load, comment, verify, submit and done. Not super time consuming.

The problem comes when comments are in the Embedded Below Post option AND there is a word verification. The process takes about twice as long because it involves two page loads, the second of which to get to the word verification, takes longer to load than an Intel Pentium 64 on a dial-up modem. So, here's where we have to come to a compromise if you really love to have your comments embedded below your posts. I don't mind the first page load to get to the comments. But I'm hoping that perhaps you might cut out the word verification if you are completely opposed to the Pop-up Window. I am admin on another blog, which does not have the word verification turned on and we have only received one spam. Ever. And it was in Asian symbols, so no one's innocence was compromised with a dirty innuendo or tirade of profanities. As a blog admin (which you all are on your own blogs) you have two options for dealing with spam other than the word-verification process. You have this cool tool available to delete any post that is offensive to you. It looks just like a little garbage can at the bottom of each comment and you have the power to delete any comment you have a desire to. Forever. The other choice is to turn on the comment moderation option, which stores all comments for your approval before posting them to their corresponding posts. If you don't like what a post has to say, you can reject it.

I'm hoping that bloggers everywhere will embrace the Pop-up Window for comments, or at least seriously consider dropping the word verification if they are completely attached to having the comments Embedded Below Post, because I really love to comment. And it would really help if a bit of loading time could be eliminated. Will you all rally with me and spread the word to your readers, so that perchance I come to one of their blogs, by way of yours (which I so often do), I can quickly leave a comment and then be on my way? And yes, I realize that this did turn out to be more of an annoyance than a request, but I tried really hard to give it a soft sell.

[Editor's Note: If you are not sure how to change your comments settings, please leave me a note in the comments or send me an e-mail and I can get you click here for an easy-to-follow set of step-by-step instructions on how to become a Pop-up Window Pirate (thanks Mrs. P, for the awesome new term for it -- let Operation Pop-up Window Pirates begin!). Also, I turned off the word verification on this blog and not four hours later I got a lovely piece of spam, so it really may be best to leave that on, but only insofar as you are a Pop-up Window Pirate.]

6. Service industry workers who have absolutely no people skills. There are several drive-thru restaurants who employ messy-haired, gum-chewing teenagers who greet you with a simple, yet ineffective, Hi, followed by *crickets.* This gives me absolutely no indication of whether or not they are poised and ready to take my order and on more than one occasion I've gotten through telling them I'd like a number two combo, hold the onions, with a large . . . only to hear, um, yea. Can you hold on a sec?

After successfully maneuvering through the ordering process, which lasts longer than some marriages, is only slightly less difficult than negotiating peace in the middle-east, and seldom results in the meal you thought you ordered, you pay, hoping the shady looking manager can count correct change or doesn't have a skimmer installed in the card reader. Eventually you arrive at window number two, whereby way of greeting you receive a cold stare from the pick-up window girl who has an obvious 'don't mess with me' demeanor as she hands you your food without a second glance at the order screen. This leads me to annoyance #5.

5. Service industry workers who have absolutely no people skills and are completely inept at their jobs. After negotiating what could be considered the triathlon of take-out dining (negotiating the order, paying without losing your identity to theft, and enduring the withering stare of the pick-up window girl) you arrive at home with nineteen dollars and ninety-four cents worth of fried foods, only to discover that your fries are cold, shriveled and left over from the day-shift, your miniature-sized chicken patty has obviously been hot tubbing in the deep fry and used your now disintegrating bun to towel off, the chocolate shake, which you had to ask for because they forgot it, tastes like anything but chocolate, your son's hamburger has the onions you asked them to leave off and you're missing the fancy Angus beef burger you ordered for your husband. Which requires another trip to the drive-through.

4. Telemarketers. Jerry Seinfeld said it best when he when asked a telemarketer for their home number, so he could call them back later. Perhaps during dinner. Personally, I take a more passive approach to handling telemarketers. The invention of caller ID and voice mail really put the ball in my court, as far as this goes. If I don't recognize the number I don't answer. I figure if it is someone I know with something important, they'll leave a message and I'll know it in a matter of minutes. The telemarketers keep at it, though. I wish they'd realize that I didn't answer the first 37 times they called and I'm not going to answer this time either.

Closely related to this, yet harder to deal with are the door-to-door sales people who insist on knocking despite the big "No Soliciting" sign I have posted on the front door. I really would rather not answer at all, but when one of the kids answers the door or the sales person peers in through the window next to the door and sees me sitting there frozen in mid-laundry fold, peering back wishing I had the power to turn invisible by holding still, it leaves little choice. I reluctantly try my hardest to politely say, I'm not interested, the required three times that these people are taught to dig for, because apparently people don't mean it when they say, no the first two times. Personally, I like my grandpa's response, which is to say, if I were interested in your product I would come to you and then slam the door in their face. But I'm not that bold.

3. People with no boundaries. These are people who let their yapping dogs out to roam the neighborhood unleashed, watch them do their business in your yard and then not clean up after the little nippers (not only is this illegal, but it is just plain rude). They find it appropriate to loudly and casually ask you how your marriage is doing or how much money you make or whether you like the new church leader -- in front of that leader's closest relative. They have no qualms about telling you your housekeeping methods are shoddy and the proper way to do it; they make themselves at home into the family only areas of your home without being invited in; they discipline your children while theirs set fire to your best new curtains. These are the people who think their 'quick question' allows them to cut ahead of everybody who has been patiently waiting in line to ask questions of their own. They park in wheelchair access parking spots without a sticker -- because they'll only be a moment. They are the first one to a party and the last to leave, they have an opinion on every subject, a story for every conversation and a remedy for all the ills of society. They want to know the most intimate details of your life without the sticky entanglement of actually being your friend. You know who these people are. They often cross over into annoyance #2.

2. Parents who don't parent their children. These people believe that children should be allowed to explore who they are and express themselves without boundaries. They want to allow their children the freedom to exercise their free will, always assuming that their little darlings will never come to harm or cause harm to others. However, they don't arm their children with the proper tools to make good choices or give them guidance to go in the right direction. Children need guidance, boundaries and firm rules. They aren't equipped with the mental capacity and experience to draw upon to make all the right decisions and some decisions should not be left up to the children. I once heard it stated pretty plainly. Not parenting your children is like allowing them get dirty and letting them wait until they are grown up to decide whether or not they'll take a bath. The children begin to stink after a while and the smell rubs off a little on you.

1. People who ride on my bumper in an effort to make me drive faster. This is my number one annoyance of all time. There are two possible scenarios where this might occur. In the event that we're driving on a road with more than one lane, I really don't know what your problem is. If I'm not going fast enough for you, pick another lane and go around. This is a simple, easy, direct solution. If there is only one lane of travel in each direction on the road we're on, and you're behind me there is really nothing you can do. I try to obey the speed limits, because as Mr. Bug frequently reminds me when I'm heading out the door (late as usual) you'll be even later if you get a ticket. So if you're running late too or just in a hurry, speeding doesn't really get you there any faster and I'm not budging anyway. Riding my bumper in an attempt to get me to go faster will result in me reducing my speed in 5 mph increments until you back off. Because I know that really annoys you.