Monday, May 17, 2010

I Believe I Ordered the Large . . .

Excuse me miss . . . there seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large cappuccino.

{crickets}

HELLO! Look at the size of this thing.

-Mike Meyers as Charlie Mackenzie, So I Married an Axe Murderer, 1993

Mr. Bug and I seem to have adopted this as our philosophy in life . . . Excuse me, I believe I ordered the large.

Take, for example, our preferences for Mexican Food condiments. On the right is the normal 5 oz. bottle of Cholula hot sauce that you find on the table in restaurants and most homes. On the left is the industrial size 12 oz. bottle. It is a full 240% larger than the original size. And that is what we buy. It has a special place on the counter because it is too tall to fit into any of the cupboards. The first time I brought home a gigantic bottle of Cholula and handed it to Mr. Bug, his eyes lit up like it was Christmas and he did a little happy dance right there in the middle of the kitchen. When he brings it to the table, he shows me its impressive size and then we laugh and say, excuse me, I believe I ordered the large.

Not to be out-done by Mr. Bug and his gigantic bottle of hot sauce, I have taken to buying Tostidos Salsa Con Queso in industrial size as well. The everyday jar (on the right) contains 15 oz. But if you get the big jar, you get a full 23 oz. (that is 153% more) of cheesy delicious goodness. Unfortunately, I have not yet found a bag of chips that is proportional to the large jar of cheese.

Our couches are about 8" deeper than a normal couch (we had to remove a window to get them in and out of the apartment we lived in because they were too big to fit through the door). The kitchen in our current home is roughly 270 square feet. When you consider that the house itself is only just over 1400 square feet, the kitchen is really large, taking up almost 20% of the total area. We like large electronics as well. Our computer screens are 17" or larger (Mr. Bug's is 24" -- that is really large). Our TV is a 52" flat screen. It is the epitome of excuse me, I believe I ordered the large.

This is our bedroom set. This isn't our actual bedroom because, let's face it, I never make the bed.
I stole this picture off the furniture web-site. The bed shown here is a double (larger than twin, smaller than queen). The headboard is really pretty at this size. But just try to fit two average-sized humans into a double bed. There's barely room to breathe. Mr. Bug and I have the king-size bed and headboard. It is roughly four times the size of the bed shown here. I can lay in it and extend my arms straight out and not touch the edge of the bed on my side or Mr. Bug on the other. The entire population of Switzerland could sleep comfortably in this bed.  Excuse me, I believe I ordered the large.

There is a little problem with living so large, though. Our furniture is too big for our bedroom. I insisted that we get two night stands (because it is silly for one person to go without). But because of the way our room is laid out there is only one possible configuration for the furniture, so with the night stands on either side of the bed, and the dresser against the far wall, two of the drawers on the dresser are blocked shut by the nightstand.

Besides this, I can not find bedding big enough for our planetoid of a bed. Mr. Bug has been complaining for years that he's been short-sheeted (one April Fools Day, I really might just short sheet his bed for fun). The packaging all says 'king' but when you get it home, it barely extends over the edges of the bed. When you add two humans to the mix, the bedding barely covers us. As I was making the bed last night, I pondered the dilemma. I've almost decided to get two twin-size sheets and blankets and sew them together down the center in order to have enough bedding to cover the both of us.

Excuse me miss . . . There seems to be a mistake. I believe I ordered the large.

5 comments:

Quilt Nut said...

yes!!! I could have written this post too lol!

we also have a king and our furniture is too big for our room and we have it arranged the only way possible. which means that my nighttable is shoved up against the closet and one door can't open all the way *sigh*

and I just changed the sheets on our bed, we added a feather topper a few months ago and now we only have 2 sets of sheets where the fitted sheet stays on the bed longer than 30second. and of course I have no idea where they came from

Liz said...

FYI, in case you are serious about sewing the sheets together, twin sheets are shorter by five inches than double, queen or king sheets, so it probably wouldn't work. What might work is to take a flat sheet and make it into a fitted sheet since flat sheets are usually a little bigger than needed to tuck them in.

coley said...

Or you could look for the California King size sheets (my inlaws got a california king bed). Those seem to fit!

Sparkle said...

I read once that two adults in a double bed have less room to themselves than an infant in a crib. I understand the desire for a king! I bought sheets at Bed Bath & Beyond and they fit pretty well! The blanket is from Walmart - it's not too bad!

JeffnJenna said...

I'm the opposite! The large size of NOTHING fits in our little 800 square foot home, so I'm always looking for the smallest size of things, ha ha! I actually would almost wish I could use a double bed in our bedroom just so I could walk all the way around our bed without getting bruised by furniture. We had a double when we were first married, and the closeness was fun 'cause we were newleyweds-ha ha!--fond memories.